(aged 28 and a half and if you believe that you’ll believe everything else you’re about to read!)

Welcome to the first entry in my on-line diary - that’s a blog if you want to sound like a cyber-geek. In it Nick Arnold - fairly well-known children’s author (otherwise known as me), will open my heart to the world (well, not literally that would be un-necessarily gory - but in a manner of speaking).

Over the next few years I shall spill the beans, tears and lots of ink and will hold back on nothing that affects me, happens to me, is done by me in my horrible life - so be prepared for rude remarks, gory bits, strong language and a few weird facts. Oh yes, and there’ll be pictures and a few cartoons.

And in the future dates of this diary you can find out what I’ll be up to - so you’ll have an even better idea of what the future has in store for me than I do … So don’t be shy - come and along and meet me at a Nick Arnold event as advertised in this diary. I am sure to greet you like an old friend and I might even pour water on your head and sign a book for you (it’s just a harmless hobby really - I’m talking about pouring water on people’s head not signing books).

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HAPPY NEW GUESS-WHAT?

Did I say “guess what?” Can you guess what a “guess what” is? If you can or even if you can’t then keep reading. And what’s more I’ll tell you what I’m doing with Michael Rosen the new British Children’s Laureate …

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Ok, I hold up my hand – I’m guilty. Guilty of not writing my Diary until now. I wanted to write my Diary in July … and August and last week. But something always happened to stop me. What something? Ah – that would be telling …… and who are these cheeky-chappies?

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Have you ever heard your granny say “I don’t know where the years have gone?” Maybe you’ve asked yourself why time seems to pass faster when you’re having a good time? Well, the time passed fast for me – but what have I been up to and can I even remember or have I been too busy to replace the memory chip in my brain? Well, whilst I’m trying to remember, here’s some pretty May flowers I saw on my travels (sorry readers, I’m not in danger of turning nice - these flowers are really “VICIOUS VEG” and they’re full of “UGLY BUGS”!) …

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“Hi!” to all you Horrible Science fans who have been e-mailing me all month – and “Hi” if you haven’t. As ever it’s been busy, busy, busy for me in my haunted house by the sea … so before we go on here’s a chilling picture to get you in the mood …

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Have I got news for you!
Have I got news for you?
Oh yes, so I have … but you better hurry up and read it otherwise I might forget it again. For one thing I can tell you the result of the campaign I’ve been waging to save Appledore Library in Devon from closing …

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Cold chilly November fog wraps itself around the coast and hangs heavy on the wide cold river as I sit in front of my computer and write another installment of my diary … As I type I shiver and wonder if you’re wondering what I’ve been doing for the past six months. So what have I been doing for the past six months? I wonder … Aha - GOOD QUESTION!

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Welcome to the joys of spring! It’s May, the blossoms are blossoming on my apple trees, the bees are humming happily and I’m writing my diary.
So what’s happening in the Horrible Life of Nick Arnold? I hear you wondering (or am I just hearing things?)
Well, back in March I did a HUGE show in Oundle - thanks to all 400 of you who turned up and thanks to all the not quite 400 of you who laughed at my jokes (even if it WAS out of sympathy!)

Here’s me in front of the Hall where it all happened.
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To get tickets or find out more details please look up relevant websites. (All events are open to the public unless otherwise stated.)

January - Nick Arnold revises Sounds Dreadful and Vicious Veg.

January - March Nick Arnold writes THE HORRIBLE SCIENCE OF YOU. to be published in October 2009. This is a giant gobsmackingly gruesome guide to your body and everything you do with it.

February - Beastly Body Experiments published. This Horrible Handbook is oozing with stomach-squirming tests to try on your own bod. You can get the low-down lowdown in the Library section of this website.

February - relaunch of six Horrible Science titles with crucial cool new covers and updated foul facts.

April to June - Nick Arnold writes new Horrible Science book on global warming. I’m not sure what to call it - maybe Cruel Climate Change - unless anyone has any better ideas?

Friday 2 May - Nick Arnold presents a HORRIBLE SCIENCE SHOW at the Shrewsbury Children’s Bookfest. Performance starts at 7 pm at the Theatre, Shrewsbury Boy’s School.

June - The Horrible Science of Everything is published. This is a new and imporved version of The Stunning Science of Everything complete with a wipe-clean vomit-proof cover. Also the re-volt-ingly relaunched Shocking Electricity is published.

July - Bulging Brains Experiments published. Join Baron Frankenstein in his queasy quest to test Monster Boy’s new brain. You can even test your own grey matter …

July to September - Nick Arnold writes DINOSAUR SPOTTERS HANDBOOK

August - Appearance at the Edinburgh Book Festival for a HORRIBLE SCIENCE SHOW.

August - Revamped Sounds Dreadful and Vicious Veg published - now they’re louder and more gruesomely green than ever.

August - Did you see the Horrible Science annual last year. Well, if you did there’s good news - the 2009 Annual is hitting the shop sheleves this month. And if you haven’t seen it you’re in for a revolting read and I bet you’ll enjoy every millisecond of it …

September - Seriously Squishy Quiz Book published - complete with fearsome free gift.

27 September to 5 October - Once again Nick Arnold is Director for the Appledore Book Festival - see appledorebookfestival.co.uk for some amazing author events.

October - Relaunch of Microscopic Monsters and Frightening Light - now smaller and more slimy and blindingly brighter than ever!

October - Angry Animals Shuffle Puzzle Book published. Find out what happens when Oddblob the Blurb and Slobslime the Snottie go head to head with Earth’s most anti-social animals - who will end up chewed up and spat out?

December - Relaunch of Body Owner’s Handbook and Space, Stars and Slimy Aliens - and I promise that this time they’re even more spine-tingling and out of this world!